Sex should be fun, but it can also be complicated. Welcome to Sexual Resolutiona biweekly column by sex therapist Vanessa Marin answering your most confidential questions to help you achieve a healthy, joyful sex life. Here, she answers a question about how to talk to her partner in bed. However, I'm a bit hesitant to say what I like when I don't exactly know, and even when I do, sometimes I don't know how to describe what I want. I don't want to give him ineffective instructions. I feel like maybe that will make me frustrated, kill my mood, or make him confused or feel bad about himself. How do I learn how to talk to my partner in bed? DEAR FFF: A lot of people get really intimidated about the idea of giving feedback during sex, especially since you rarely see this kind of communication in a sex scene on TV or in the movies. There's this stereotype that we're supposed to be able to have amazing sex without any communication necessary.
We worry our partner will perceive our suggestions as criticism. In an archetype world, we'd be able to acquire across that we need certain things, but without making them feel at risk or judged. Aimee says this is the other big dilemma for women and people with vulvas. This is not our fault, FYI, but along to how we are socialised after that our patriarchal culture. And only you know what that is. A colossal part of how your partner is going to respond is down en route for how you talk to them a propos it. See if you can be sell for it up organically, rather than at the same time as a big announcement where they capacity feel under attack. Then be benevolent, but firm. You can even act them.