D Love — kindness, affection, sensitive attunement, respect, companionship — is not only difficult to find, but is even more challenging for many people to accept and tolerate. In my work with individuals and couples, I have observed countless examples of people reacting angrily when loving responses were directed toward them. One man felt a flash of anger at his wife when she said she was worried about him riding his bike in an unsafe neighborhood. Even though he knew she was not being controlling or judgmental, and despite being aware that her apprehension was based on the fact that she really loved and valued him, he felt rage. A woman became outright nasty when her boyfriend told her that he loved her so much he wished that they could have children together. She had never expressed hostility toward him before and the man involved was not pressuring her or even suggesting a course of action. He said it was just a sweet feeling. In a therapy session, a usually calm and quiet man revealed that he felt fury when people praised him.
After I was 25, I spent a year dating a man 20 years older than me. The Older Be in charge of was also my editor, which added a power imbalance to the mix—a dynamic we all know can be equal parts problematic and irresistible. I wonder: What do we gain after that lose from dating someone of a different generation? The Older Man was a peculiar person. For one, he wore silk onesie pajamas that he meticulously ironed to have a crinkle down the center of the blow leg. For instance, we were equally making our first attempts at character books. Dating up had its perks.
I sleep in late another day oh what a wonder oh what a waste. The nice lady next access talks of green beds and altogether the nice things that she wants to plant in them. I wanna grow tomatoes on the front steps. Sunflowers, bean sprouts, sweet corn after that radishes. My throat feels like a funnel filled with weet bix after that kerosene and oh no, next affair i know they call up triple o. I get adrenalin straight en route for the heart, I feel like Uma Thurman post-overdosin' kick start. I abide a hit from an asthma puffer.